OH MY GOD WHAT DID I JUST DO? Did I just marry this man so he could stay in the United States, yes. Okay I know everyone reading this is thinking is she crazy and yes I was 24 and crazy. I never saw myself as the wife type making dinner every night washing extra loads of clothes and scheduling doctor appointments for someone other than myself. My husband and I talked about our situation and agreed that we would not be like the typical husband and wife. That we would still have fun and go to parties and not be domesticated. We lived in the heart of the city , had many doormen, went to parties in the lower east side and ate exquisite dinners. I thought to myself our life was pretty cool and very non domestic. Oh boy was I in for a rude awakening. Shortly after being married my husband said to me one day since you like doing laundry my bags are in the closet the maid that comes twice a week does it but you can take this on. I thought to myself why the hell I would want to take this on if we have a maid that comes and does it. Okay now tell me did his suggestion make any sense, NO and was he going against our agreement, YES. Part of our agreement was to keep it a secret and especially not tell our families. As soon as we got home he sound the big thing (got on the phone) to his family and told them he got married. I was mortified. Everyday after his sister called me and asked me what I cooked for dinner. My response was the same thing I cooked last night, number 24 and number 36 on Ollies menu. What the hell was going through her mind? Did she think I just gave birth to a baby? How was he eating all times before he got married? Okay let me say this marriage can be a beautiful thing when two people are committed to being married and understand what marriage is. Marriage does not mean that you have given birth to someone that you are totally responsible for until they are able to do for themselves. What I just explained was motherhood, fatherhood, being parents not husbands or wives. If this is your understanding on what marriage is then I strongly advise you reevaluate your outlook.
Here I was doing a friend / boyfriend a favor and slowly but surely becoming his domestic goddess. The reason I call him friend / boyfriend is because during our courtship he never wanted to say I was his girlfriend or he was my boyfriend he was very non committal. This was my first sign but I wanted to be with him because he was something different than I had ever experienced. If you find yourself in my situation I will tell you this, what your gut says is always right. The problem is we as individuals are sometimes not strong enough to let the messages that come to our guts pass through our speech mechanisms. The messages always get lost in translation when passing through our hearts and we do not say what we mean. I admire the individual who can say what they mean and not worry that their thoughts will go against our societal codes. Had I been able to do this I would not have married him or been able to share my experiences with you. If you are about to marry your friend / boyfriend / girlfriend take some time out and listen to your gut and if your gut says do not proceed JUST DON’T DO IT. Your gut is saving you heartache, financial ruin, eviction, lawyers, lawyer’s fees, family court and being a single parent. I say this because had I listened to my gut I would have not experienced all of the above and be about $50K in the hole.